he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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