Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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