is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
