I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
