saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
