By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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