from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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