Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she looked like the before picture.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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