True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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