I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize