New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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