He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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