I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
