im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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