He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
