im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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