Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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