I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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