just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
