Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish I only lived at night.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
