i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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