paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
