You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
