he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
