What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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