I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize