hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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