i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
