I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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