You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
