I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize