keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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