He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
