Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
