How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
