peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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