You really coming over, don't trick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
