Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
