she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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