don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
