i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
