Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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