I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
