If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
