it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
