I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
