her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
