piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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