did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
