i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
