Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
