Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
