I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
