is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
