Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
