It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
