I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
