I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
