I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
