At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
