There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize