You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
