walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
