I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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