soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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