Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
