I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
