i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
