Me too!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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