you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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