She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
