If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize