loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
