So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
