Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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