can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
