honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
