wrigley field is MILF paradise
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
