apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
