Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize