You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
