I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
