We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize