he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
