my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
