i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
