It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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