I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
