u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
