I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you inspire me to be a worse person
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
