you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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