It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
