Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
