First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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