If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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