when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
