R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
