So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
