Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
