I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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