right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
