have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
