Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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