you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
