He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
