can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
