Where is the hickey?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
