If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
