Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
