so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
