omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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