Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
