we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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