but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
